Sweep Talk.......
by KaLiChiCk13
Summary: What they really mean, and things they'd never say!!! Read and Review, humor me. ***Update: Another Chapter Added, for your viewing pleasure***
1. First Evil

Authors Notes: Hey!!!! I've been inspired! I read a Mediator Fanfiction that consisted of things Mediator Character Would never Do or Say.......and so.......I SWEEPized it. This is THINGS SWEEP CHARACTERS WOULD NEVER DO OR SAY. Yes, I know I'm too drunk to be witty, be kind to me. It's short, but I'll write more. Read and Review!!!! Mwhahahahahahahha  
  
Mary K.: Hey Morgan, can I join your coven? Dancing naked it circles sounds SO COOL!  
  
Alisa Soto: Yo, I wanna do some dark magick, yo!!! Let's be pals!  
  
Morgan: Hunter, I'm ready  
  
Mary Gracy Rowlands: Morgan, Mary K.....I'm becoming a lesbian...with Sky (Yes, guys, I know I'm twisted)  
  
Hunter: Cal, let's make up. We're brothers and we should act like it! Want to go buy some matching robes?  
  
Raven: Sky, let's go to the Abercrombie! I'm all out of pleated skirts!  
  
Bree: Robbie, let's elope!......and have two children. I want to name them Cal and Matt!  
  
Robbie: Sorry Bree, no can do. I just got hitched with a goat! (Don't Ask, guys)  
  
Ciaran: Hey guys, does the council have any openings? Destroying the world sort of gets old after a while......I want HUNTER'S job!  
  
Ciaran: You know, Morgan. Angus really was a really nice dude. In fact, he was my gay lover.  
  
Killian: I just had to tell you all *brushes tears away*....I'm joining AA.  
  
Alyce: Forget Starlocket....I'm joining the Fiana!!!  
  
David: Wait........who's Stuart Afton? I cast a love spell on Mr. Rowlands!  
  
Hunter: Morgan, love, I've decided to become Lutheran!  
  
What they really mean (or are thinking) when they say................................  
  
I've got to contact the council-----"I will NOT listen to the voices. I will NOT listen to the voices. I will NOT listen to the voices.I will NOT listen to the voices.I will NOT listen to the voices."  
  
When Morgan calls Hunter "lean"-------- Damn, we have to get some meat on those Brittish bones  
  
When Morgan pulls the whole "But Cal was my first love" bit-------But he wasn't that great a kisser anyway.  
  
When Morgan talks about Dagda--------I wonder how he'd taste well done  
  
When Hunter tells Morgan how she needs to restrain her magick------Either "Damn, she could whoop my ass" or....."That holding spell was a TOTAL turn on"  
  
Authors Notes: Yes, I know I'm drunk. Thank Michelle and Lilith too. They helped A LOT!!!!! Anyway, more too come, as long as my high doesn't fade!!!! Well Review there!!!!!! I need SO MUCH mental hel 


	2. Second Dosage

****Alright, due to the popularity of the first Chapter (YEAh right, okay, you can stop laughing now), I've decided to write a SECOND Chapter to WHAT SWEEP CHARACTERS WOULD NEVER DO OR SAY, etc. Actually, this one was alcohol induced, believe it or not, we just had a snow day, and I have WAY too much free time. So now, you all have to suffer. This one is going to be some UNLIKELY and highly FREAKY and POSSIBLY DANGEROUS Sweep scenes. mwhahahahahahahahahahahahahaa.......anyways, let's get ready to rumble, baby!*******  
  
When Hunter tells Morgan just how many people he's been with:  
  
Morgan: Hunter, I feel we have an honest relationship.  
  
Hunter: *a little preoccupied, if you know what i mean* Uh-huh, right.  
  
Morgan: So I think it's about time.......  
  
Hunter: *perks right up* Yes?  
  
Morgan: That you tell me about your past  
  
Hunter: Ummm..........huh? (Excuse the boy, he's blonde after all)  
  
Morgan: Oh come on, I can't be the first girl you've ever dated.  
  
Hunter: Oh, that. *sulks*  
  
Morgan: So?  
  
Hunter: Sew buttons! (Oh, oops, nevermind....I mean......) So what?  
  
Morgan: Isn't there something you should tell me? Like have you ever.....?  
  
Hunter: *finally catches on*.....oh, well, of course  
  
Morgan: Of course?  
  
Hunter: Well, sure, I mean......  
  
Morgan: *gulps* about well......about, well, how many different ummm....people?  
  
Hunter: Five maybe......*ponders* or ten, perhaps  
  
Morgan: You don't know which? *starts unexplainably sweating*  
  
Hunter: Well, no. I mean, I was probably so wasted that I forgot to write them down in my book.  
  
Morgan: *begining to wig out* You have a BOOK?!  
  
Hunter: (Don't get mad, get Glad! I mean, he is a guy after all...even if he is English) Well, certainly, don't you?  
  
Morgan: Ummm.....Hunter? You're my second boyfriend......and I've never ummm......  
  
Hunter: Wow, you sure are going to make an interesting entry  
  
Morgan: I'm going to be an ENTRY?! In your BOOK?!?!  
  
Hunter: Of course you are, love. You'll be a long entry too. (As I said, he is blonde)  
  
Morgan: Oh, that's just wonderful. *sarcastic* Will I be a good entry?  
  
Hunter: Depends on how long your going to hold out on me  
  
Morgan: Hold OUT on you?!?!??!?  
  
Hunter: Well, you can't expect me to wait forever. I though you'd be an easy lay, but it's been like *counts on his fingers* well, about three months now, and you still haven't given me any!  
  
Morgan: *sighs* We're all going to Hell, and I'm driving the bus.  
  
When Ciaran Goes to Morgan's Graduation:  
  
Morgan: Hey Pops!  
  
Ciaran: Aw, baby girl, I'm all choked up  
  
Mr. Rowlands: Umm.....honey? Who is this man?  
  
Morgan: Well, Daddy, this is my evil, dark witch, father too. He was also a SERIOUS pimp when he was younger.  
  
Mrs. Rowlands: Ummm....baby? *turns to husband* Is this one of those teenage rebellion things?  
  
Ciaran: Mr. and Mrs. Rowlands, it's such a great way you've brought up my potentially evil little girl here. It's so great to see her, shy, dating someone who hunts down and kills my friends, and magick free until she was sixteen.  
  
Mr. Rowlands: Ummm.....what exactly are you talking about?  
  
Ciaran: Oh, nothing.  
  
Morgan: So Daddy *gives Ciaran a big hug*...I've got to cancel our date to practice dark magick and offer Cal Blaire's spirit to Kali to eat (Hey, i can dream, can't i?).... Our coven is planning a huge orgy tonight.  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Rowlands: WHAT?!?!?!/!!?!??!?!!?!?!?!  
  
Morgan: *innocently* Want to come along?  
  
Mrs. Rowlands: Oh no, but maybe you should invite Mary K. She's been all down in the dumps after Bakker tried to rape her, THREE TIMES. .....hmmm.....Maybe you should invite that PEDOPHILE too.  
  
Morgan: I'll be sure to call them *gives all three parents a kiss* Well, have fun, you three. Daddy, please try not to kill them?  
  
Ciaran: I'll try, baby cakes, but no guarantees. Your Mum sure would make one GOOD ol' sacrifice to dark spirits.  
  
  
  
*******Mwhahahahahahahaa.........alright, that's all for NOW folks!!!!!! I'll be sure to add another CHapter of twisted and disgusting fright soon!!!!!!!!! HA! I'm an insult to Sweep Fans!!!!!! mwhahahahaahahahahahahaha Okay, so maybe, I had a LITTLE to drink last night.  
  
WHoa... can someone stop the room, please? I'd like to get off.  
  
Well, off with you then, little tykes. Go REVIEW NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *ROAR* 


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